Title: New Sex Gurus Deliver Their Advice Online
Subtitle: Female orgasm “experts” now offer their services online. Neofeminism or old scam?
Matthew Angels is dressed all in black – except he wears a big purple clitoris in a saltire. This Parisian man, almost fifty years old, explains that too many people still ask him what it is. He made it his mission to inform men about female pleasure. His website, Orgasm Lovers (orgasmlovers.com), offers articles and a newsletter. Matthew Angels presents himself as a professional eager to educate other men to become “orgasmic lovers”. Online courses are currently under development. On the program, explanations around anatomy and erogenous zones, a reminder of the importance of consent and communication, and touch techniques to arouse excitement and enjoyment. “Today, a lot of women give advice on female sexuality, but the big issue is men,” he says. This neocoach recounts having often served as an advisor to his friends. One of his lovers encouraged him to “teach others what (he) can do”. A friend even called him an “orgasmologist”. A neologism which designates, if we are to believe the Urban Dictionary, a person capable of making a woman come over and over again without expecting anything in return. “I had a lot of experiences and I want to be a bridge between men and women,” he explains.
While the number of social media accounts made by women to talk about female pleasure and stimulation techniques is increasing, a handful of men are starting to share their knowledge in this area, often speaking to other men. Should we rejoice ?
For the anthropologist Mélanie Gourarier, author of “Alpha male. Seducing women to appreciate each other between men” (ed. Seuil), this type of approach must be placed in a broader historical and social context. She recalls that women’s sexuality has always been the subject of more or less scientific discourse on the part of men, especially in the 19th century, when doctors explained that orgasm could cure hysteria. “We must be vigilant on men’s interest in the enjoyment of women, because the investment in the female orgasm has served above all as an instrument of control over their body,” she explains. Behind these speeches, there is the idea that female pleasure is a sort of “dark continent” with a mysterious functioning to which women themselves would not have access. Only certain men would have an expertise on the subject, which would allow them to distinguish themselves as a sort of male elite, admirable also in the eyes of other men.
While Matthew Angels promotes rather welcome ideas based on dialogue, one may indeed wonder what really governs the willingness to advise other men. We think of those lovers who insistently ask: “Did you enjoy?” A question which we do not know if it is motivated by the pleasure of their partner or by a gratification that has little to do with how it feels.
Other “coaches” do not skimp on the clichés. On YouTube, many videos from men offer advice on “how to satisfy a woman” or “how to finger a girl” so that she “becomes addicted to you”. These sequences seem more intended for personal glorification than an authentic desire to learn how to please. The orgasm is often presented there as being able to occur only by the fairy fingers (or the penis-magic wand) of these men, as if the women had no responsibility in the occurrence of their pleasure. “The fact that men are interested today in the orgasm of women is presented as progress because it results from recent feminist struggles and the #MeToo movement,” underlines Mélanie Gourarier. If joyous discussions are taking place at the moment on the subject of heterosexual practices, some of these speeches renew the sexual order. We can consider that a man who is interested in the pleasure of his partner, it is good or it is better. But what does this interest, which passes for something new, mean? Is it a question of aiming for a reciprocity of pleasures? Or to position himself as a “good man”? “
Some men go so far as to propose a practical application of their orgasmic recipes. In NYC, a “Dr. M” has specialised in massages with benefits, in exchange for an optional monetary compensation, for women who wish to be masturbated by a man without need for reciprocity. This is a different case, since it is more like sex work at the consumer’s demand. “In short, it’s a planned orgasm, even if it doesn’t work 100% of times. In one hour’s time, my job is to find what works best for each person”, Dr. M said in an interview in 2020. His customers are mostly hard-working women with busy schedules, looking for a solo pleasure time. “To some, it’s just experimentation. Others have trouble reaching orgasms, or have selfish lovers. With men, everything revolves around penis in vagina, whereas there are so many options to explore”. This man doesn’t lie about his own pleasure : “I like doing it, otherwise I wouldn’t. It’s become like a hobby : others collect stamps, I give orgasms.”
“Mr. O”, who lives in Britain, offers somehow the same thing, for free. Based on is experience, he explains on his site, “the orgasmologist”, that his single most intense pleasure is to see a woman come. Mr. O claims to not wish for anything in return, except if his partner wants to . “My main motivation is ti benefit from a shared intimate moment with a woman, to open her mind and body to what can be achieved, and then amaze her senses with this tremendous orgasmic experience,” he claims in our mail exchange. If this offer from “experts in orgasmology can seem generous, it is not without stereotypes. “Every orgasm burns 150 calories”, one can read on Mr. O’s website, as a marketing argument. “Burning calories and still benefiting can never be a bad thing”.