Average reading time: 5-6 minutes.
I have been talking about providing orgasms to your lover, and how so few people are able to achieve it, and I have not yet explained what it means, and why it is so important !
According to science, there are at least 3 different patterns for orgasm, independently from their intensity. However, my experience has shown a few similarities among all people, which is where I will focus. To my knowledge, most humans can (but very few do) experience what I describe here.
1. the "Whole Orgasm"
A "true" orgasm is a wave of pleasure so intense that it seems to engulf the whole body. the sensations make you lose control of your speech, your motor functions, even your breath! (You may moan, or move, or scream something, but only as a reflex which you can hardly suppress). The waves of sensations are so intense that you lose your perception of time – you don’t know if it’s been a few seconds or half an hour, and it doesn’t matter. You don’t really perceive anything exterior to your own waves of sensations. You do not control your reactions. It is a complete experience.
When the orgasm wanes, you are still submerged in an intense sensation of bliss and pleasure, even wonder, and usually your emotional self is very open to the other person. You feel connected and grateful. You may experience aftershocks of orgasmic pleasure rushing unexpectedly through your system for several minutes, or dozens of minutes, after the peak has been over. This “cool down period” is really an “afterglow”, where you are filled with contentment.
Many people have never experienced this "whole orgasm".
Though in my experience, most women have the ability to feel it - even quite a few who believed they were "frigid". But most men do not have the skill and patience to make it possible.
A good way to know you have achieved this? Most of my girlfriends have regularly cancelled romantic outings in favour of spending more time in bed with me. That is how powerful this orgasm is: it is the best expression of love.
By the way... this is not even the absolute top of the mountain yet. You can accumulate those orgasms to incredible heights; and get an “afterglow” that lasts hours. And the good news is? It is very possible to reach it if you have the patience and practice.
Another, complementary, take on the female orgasm, from the School of Squirt, can be found here. I think their approach to the topic is quite close to mine, with similar goals: better pleasure for everyone.
2. The "Local Orgasm" or "Peak Orgasm"
I don't like the word "peak" because it implies that it reaches higher - which it does not.
This one is far more common: a wave of pleasure in the genitals that feels like "the desire is satisfied". Many pleasant sexual interactions have this moment of intense pleasure, resulting for the release of built up of pleasure and desire.
Many people have only experienced this, and don't realize there is a potential for far more pleasure than what they have seen.
This "local orgasm" is usually the result of excitement and excitation - the activation of the sympathetic nervous system (the same that is responsible for our response to danger - so not really a relaxing experience).
What I call a "true orgasm", or more accurately a "whole orgasm", is not just that moment of intense, localised, pleasure. It is an overwhelming experience that engulfs the whole of your sensations, the whole of your consciousness.
When I speak of “local orgasm”, it still means one thing: it is satisfying, and the feeling of satisfaction is lingering, even though you will probably not get “aftershocks” (orgasms appearing independently from stimulation), or an "afterglow" (sensation of relaxed bliss). Which contrasts with the "rushed orgasm".
3. The "Rushed Orgasm"
In many cases, sex or masturbation results in something that people call an "orgasm", but that is not really fulfilling (contrary to what I call a "local orgasm"). This masturbation climax feels... empty. And I don’t mean, because of the lack of feelings, but because something is amiss in the way you’re doing it.
A common reflex, especially in masturbation, is to "rush to the goal" - and this is particularly true for men (I have the same tendency).
We tend to go for fast and strong desire / arousal, especially local (e.g. quick erection, often looking for a kinky mental or visual stimulus), then we stimulate the genitals, acting frantically to get to the fastest climax - knowing what we want, and going towards the goal in the most efficient way possible. This leads to a fast release... but very little actual pleasure. The frantic action is remotely pleasant, sometimes not at all, and the release itself feels more like a relief from tension than an intense burst of pleasure.
When experienced this way, "orgasm" is not the sense of intense pleasure permeating your whole being, followed by a state bliss. Indeed, after this rushed release, the mind will often want to go do something else; and you may even feel the urge to leave the place (or the presence of the other person).
As a matter of fact, precipitation to achieve climax may cause you to force yourself, ignore some signals from your own body (or emotions).
When you’re doing sports, if you are trying to achieve a performance, you may “push through the pain”. Afterwards, your muscles will be sore for a while. And if you do this without proper coaching, and you don't respect the signals and the capabilities of your body, you may even strain a muscle or damage your system in the process.
In the same way, racing toward climax may cause you to cause or accept some painful sensations if they will lead you to your objective - sometimes to the point of harming yourself. This causing and accepting of pain is not always conscious, which is worse because you may then dull your own ability to feel pleasure - sometimes to the point of desensitizing yourself. This will disconnect you from your sexuality (making it feel mechanic, not fulfilling).
Somehow, it is like you are not respecting yourself, a little like a breach of consent - towards oneself.
This is also why the whole experience is not one of undiluted pleasure, and the "forcing towards climax" may prevent you from experiencing a "true orgasm", and from experiencing multiple orgasms.
4. OK, so now how do I achieve this?
In order to be able to improve your orgasms, you need to understand the common structure, and then, introduce new practices. You may have guessed that patience is a key here. But it is not the only one.
So, in the next posts, I will get into the details of the mechanics of orgasm, such as I understand them. And, yes, that will be technical, and yes, I believe it is necessary. After which, I will explain how to go from step 1 (rushed orgasm) to step 2 (local orgasm) to step 3 (whole orgasm).
The bad news is: this takes time and "effort". You will have to allocate at least two consecutive hours, regularly (ideally once per week), to create that amazing love-making experience. The equivalent of one movie night. this is required to get the real bliss of sexual connexion within reach. Well... what am I saying? This is not bad news! Two hours enjoying intimate presence and pleasure? To have more sex and better sex? Yes please!
The good news is: in my experience, it is not that hard, and not even as hard as most sports, and you will reach unprecedented heights in just 3 months if you practice once a week. Plus, these hours of practice are just... incredibly pleasant!
So stay tuned for the next articles.
And, please, let me know in the comments:
- Do you understand the difference and feel it? Do you know what your experience with orgasm is according to this scale?
- Do you feel that your experience matches my descriptions?
- Do you want to improve your experience?
- What steps do you need the most help with?